Muck my life
“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment.” This is how Aldous Huxley started the forward for Brave New World, 20 years after the book was published. “Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.” So, I won’t lament over my Vegas loss after this post.
Everyone around me kept winning. One friend hit $800 jackpot on a penny slot, and I watched as another friend won $1,000 within 5 minutes at the roulette table. I saw the pure elation on their faces. I remembered that feeling and wanted it too, so badly.
I, on the other hand, lost 8 consecutive spins at the roulette table. All the slots I sat at were hungry and greedy. I lost 15 out of 20 hands dealt at the black jack table. It was terrible. But then, I was on tilt, possessed by the growing need to get back what I lost, and determined to be a winner. After emptying my wallet, I hit the ATM. I haven’t done this in over a year. Was I the kind of human being Huxley describes in his amazingly prophetic book? Obsessed with the constant need for pleasure, yet ignoring possible consequences for my actions? I wonder if this world I live in where my emotions, actions, and fate depend so heavily on odd numbers is my own insane utopia.
How does my father deal with this so well? Losing, that is.
